Auditions
by Taffy
Summary: just some randomly weird auditions for films and plays featuring random chars, as always review if you want more(any ideas as to the next thing you want auditions for are welcome)


Auditions: Part 1 -Tweflth Night  
  
* * DISCALIMER: I don't own Twelfth Night all credit goes to W. Shakespeare and any other movie refs. don't belong to me either. Basically nothing belongs to me yada, yada. * *  
  
  
  
* * Take One: Dobby? * *  
  
*Dobby walks on stage carrying a sword*  
  
DOBBY: I'd like to audition for the part of Sebastian.  
  
DIRECTOR: *laughs* Oh okay go on then, it might be funny.  
  
*Dobby draws the sword and fights an imaginary foe, leaving the director in stitches*  
  
DIRECTOR: Next.. please.. must.. stop.. laughing..  
  
DOBBY: Please, I really want this part, you see I want to become a serious actor. I can be handsome and bold.  
  
*Dobby lifts himself up slightly into what he believes is a dramatic pose with a huge grin on his face*  
  
DIRECTOR: Next please.  
  
  
  
* * Take Two: Long white dresses? * *  
  
DIRECTOR: So let me get this straight: you want to play the part of Olivia?  
  
SARUMAN: Well Viola would be better.  
  
DIRECTOR: I can see why you chose Olivia then. *mutters* weirdo.  
  
SARUMAN: What was that?  
  
DIRECTOR: Nothing, nothing. *mutters* like hell he could look male, even a girl dressed as a guy would be difficult.  
  
SARUMAN: You did it again.  
  
DIRECTOR: Did what?  
  
SARUMAN: You muttered something.  
  
DIRECTOR: No I didn't.  
  
SARUMAN: You bloody well did.  
  
DIRECTOR: I didn't. well maybe a little. *mutters* but he does have girly dresses.  
  
SARUMAN: See you did it again.  
  
DIRECTOR: *looks around suspiciously* Can we just get on with your audition?  
  
SARUMAN: Oh okay, but I will find out what you were muttering.  
  
DIRECTOR: I wasn't muttering! Now just get on with it so I can shout "next" again.  
  
SARUMAN: Thy tongue, thy face. Wait, wait , wait. Can I change that line? Just it brings back bad memories, tongues and all that you know remind me of Grima.  
  
DIRECTOR: It's f-ing Shakespeare you can't just go round changing the lines you hobbit raping hippy! *notices the pained look from Frodo waiting in the wings* Sorry Frodo. *mutters* hehe ring bearer has an all new meaning.  
  
SARUMAN: It only happened the once okay! You'd have done it too if you were left in a tower, all alone, surrounded by orcs! *cries and runs off, dress flapping behind him*  
  
  
  
* * Take Three: Dark Duke * *  
  
DIRECTOR: Next! *Sauron strides out onto the stage with mace in hand*  
  
DIRECTOR: F-k me! *falls over backwards and cowers behind the chair* No Saruman that was not an invitation. *Saruman walks back into the wings disappointed*  
  
SAURON: Is this where I audition for the part of Orsino?  
  
DIRECTOR: Erm. y.y.yes. I suppose so. erm, do you just want to read a part for me then?  
  
SAURON: Very well. *flips through the script* O, she that hath a heart of that fine frame *blah blah etc.* How will she love when the rich golden shaft hath killed all affections else. *swings his mace dramatically to emphasise, knocking over three stage hands and causing the director to wet himself*  
  
DIRECTOR: .yes, erm, very good. we'll seriously, um, consider you. Erm, next please.  
  
  
  
* * Take Four: Dr. Valentine * *  
  
DIRECTOR: And you are? *looks up from notes* holy crap!!  
  
FRANKENFURTER: Why hello. *swats the director in the face with a feather boa*  
  
DIRECTOR: Aren't you dead?  
  
FF: Moi? No, it was a film you silly little man. Of course I didn't die. Rocky did *bites his finger* poor boy didn't survive the fall. *cries*  
  
DIRECTOR: Sorry to hear that. Erm, who are you auditioning for?  
  
FF: Valentine *cries*  
  
DIRECTOR: Okay in your own time.  
  
FF: Okay, I'll try my best. *sniff* And water once a day her chamber round with eye-offending brine. cards for sorrow cards for pain.  
  
DIRECTOR: Erm, what are you doing? That's not in the script.  
  
FF: You sure? Oh wait, yes. Sorry keep having flashbacks.  
  
  
  
  
  
* * Take Five: Mr. Director * *  
  
DIRECTOR: Am I the only one disappointed by this? Sauron as bloody Orsino for f-k sake? That does it I'm leaving. *mutters* screw this for a laugh, I could've been up there with Stephen Spielburg and look at me! Stuck in this shit hole.... 


End file.
